Close to my heart.

This is a story so very close to my heart. I remember getting emails from Theresa and thinking "how is she managing to keep her faith" as I teared up at my desk thinking how unfair this was to my cousin and her son. I can't imagine on having to stand and watch any child suffer let alone my own and not be able to do anything but hold him and offer soft words and hugs. I know times are tough and everyone is going through their own struggles so any contribution made will be that much more appreciated. ♥

http://active.com/donate/kona12nyc/theresa

Did you tell him I called?

So here is the thing…if I make a mistake - say for example I forget to tell my boss you called…then that is what it is - a mistake, an oversight or error.  I honestly don't need you to waste your time sending me an email reminding me how important it is that my boss gets all your messages. 

1st – You aren't even a client.

2nd – You call him like 20 times a day to the point that I am starting to wonder if you are his bitch.
3rd – Important is notifying someone that the replacement kidney they have been waiting for has been found – Not that your bitch ass wants to know what bar you are going to meet in.

I mean REALLY!  You're sending me an email asking if I told him you called 2x yesterday?  No I didn't and I apologize.  Leave it at that and keep it moving.  How ironic that you name rhymes with dick.

You can see from the replies that this incident did not happen to me.

The names have been blocked out to protect the innocent – A.H. stands for A** Hole.

Owning your Ish!

The other day I saw someone with a big ole cheesy grin, unfortunately the only teeth he had were his K9s.  I looked at a co-worker and he said "well at least he is owning it!"

Yes, he damn sure was, with that said if you have imperfection or flaws (as we all do) and you want to show them to the world then OWN IT!  If someone doesn't like it then tell them to stop looking at you.

However, I am not one of those people.  You are not going to see me in 2 piece bathing suit (you can thank me later) or running in the street naked (unless my house went up in flames while I was in the shower at which point I would grab my cat as I was running out and start ripping off his fur and patching it on myself).

If you know your feet are jacked and want to wear sandals - go for it but have a damn care please.
Put some cocoa butter, shea butter, shit use Breakstone butter if you have to but there is no reason you should be out and about with heels so cracked that you leaving a trail of dust.

Have you gotten your Ish yet?

Damn....

Waterbugs are the devil's minions.

FYI

If you got something for FREE and give it to your significant other it isn't a GIFT.  It is a "here they gave me this and I thought you would like it since I can't use it."  (Cause you know damn well if it were a flat screen or iPad you would be keeping it)

It is also very nice of you to buy your significant other that item they wanted that cost $20 - however, you saying during a disagreement "I just spent $20 on that [insert item] for you" will not work to your advantage and may very likely lead that item flying and cracking you on the side of your head (for your sake I hope it wasn't a large mug).

"Are you....

going to be mean today?"

What I said: "I will try my best not to be."
What I wanted to say: "I don't know are you going to be an A-hole and piss me the F off?"

It is hard being me.

Awkward Moments

That awkward moment when you are trying to refasten your size 10 pants on your size 12 ass, the button pops off, hits the ground running and rolls over to the next occupied stall.

FYI: the proper reaction to this would be to quietly and gently slide the button back over with your foot NOT to pick it up, stick your hand under the stall wall and say did you lose this?

He is really nice....

you just have to get to know him (or her).

Here is the thing...if I have to put that much effort into getting to know you in order for me to not consider you a jerk - well that is just too much of my time.  If I get to know you gradually because of our working or family connection and I come to see in time that you aren't really an ass then ok - I can accept that and even say "gee, I was wrong about so and so" but in no way am I going above and beyond getting to know you and giving you the benefit of the doubt because someone I know says "he is really nice - you just have to get to know him" - no thanks I would rather spend time with people I like on a natural level.

Watch out for trick words...

Exhibit A

I am trying to eat healthier so I am attempting to eat more veggies and fruit and less bread, pasta or rice (unless it is brown rice or that bread made of nothing but that crushed organic shit).  Anyway, I just got my lunch and went with some kind of red meat and sautéed string beans that looked really pretty good (see Exhibit A).  I assumed the word saute meant that the string beans would have a some kind of garlic, buttery or lemon zest flavor.  This was not the case.  These beans were "sautéed" in tasteless liquid and therefore should have just be called straight from the dirt string beans. Don't get it twisted - I ate them because - well because I was hungry - but I didn't enjoy them.