I am not sure who wrote this. I copied it from a friend's FB note and it didn't indicate who the original creator was nor could I come across it online, however, it is worthy of reading so enjoy!
The Man Rules (AND MY REPONSES)
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down, the guys' side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. We always hear " the rules" From the female side.... Now here are the rules from the male side.
(First and Foremost) Men are NOT mind readers.
MEN AREN'T READERS AT ALL - THEY ONLY LIKE PICTURE BOOKS.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
REGARDLESS, UP OR DOWN YOUR AIM IS OFF.
Sunday sports, It's like the full moon Or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
TRY TO MULTI TASK- WATCH SPORTS AND DUST.
Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
CRYING WORKS THAT IS WHY WE DO IT!
YES and NO are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
PLEASE REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU WANT SEX.
If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
IF WE WANT HELP SOLVING IT CHANCES ARE YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING IT AND WILL THEREFORE BE THE LAST PERSON WE WILL ASK.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
I BELIEVE RAPE HAS A 5 YEAR STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS - YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS YOUR COMMENTS WILL BE ADMISSIBLE WHENEVER WE DECIDE - IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM USED THEN DON'T SAY THEM!
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
YOU ARE THE REASON WE ARE FAT.
You can either ask us to do something. Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.
MOST OF THE TIME YOU DON'T DO WHAT WE ASK AND IF YOU DO YOU DO IT INCORRECTLY ON PURPOSE - SO THEREFORE IN THE END WE USUALLY DO IT OURSELVES OR BITCH ABOUT IT. DO IT WHEN WE ASK AND DO IT CORRECTLY. [PLEASE NOTE THAT THE DEFINITION OF CORRECTLY IS THE WAY WE WANT IT DONE].
Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
SAME RULES APPLY WHEN WE ARE WATCHING AMERICAN IDOL OR GREY'S ANATOMY.
Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
THE PRICE OF GAS HAS GONE UP SINCE CHRIS WENT SAILING SO UNLESS YOU ARE RICH STOP AND ASK OR USE YOUR SMART PHONE FOR SOMETHING SMART AND NOT JUST TO FORWARD PICS OF MIDGETS MUD WRESTLING.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF JUST DO AS YOU ARE TOLD.
IF it itches IT WILL be scratched. We do that.
YES AND DOGS LICK THEIR PARTS DURING A KIDS BIRTHDAY PARTY - THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE AND NOBODY WANTS TO SEE IT.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
NOTHING MEANS YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW AND YOU PROBABLY ARE THE CAUSE. FIGURE IT OUT - TRY USING YOUR SMARTPHONE.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
YOU ARE STUPID.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
Or Hockey
FYI - WE ASK WHAT YOU ARE THINKING BUT WE REALLY DON'T CARE SO IF YOU WANT SEX THE CORRECT ANSWER WOULD BE "I AM THINKING ABOUT HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE."
You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
YOU HAVE 2000 TOOLS AND CAN'T CHANGE A LIGHT BULB.
I am in shape. Round IS a shape
WE PREFER THE SHAPE OF A DIAMOND.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really
WE SHALL KEEP THAT IN MIND WHEN GOING TO THE IN-LAWS FUNERAL IN SWEATS.
Thank you for reading this..Yes, we know we're sleeping on the couch, But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping!
YES AND WHILE YOU ARE DOING THAT WE ARE HIDING THE REMOTE.
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