In memory of...

The only people who like funerals are the funeral directors and the millionaire widows left behind.  With that said, I just returned from attending a funeral service for a very dear elderly woman that I had the pleasure of knowing for a short time.  As I was listening to the speakers talk so kindly of her, deservedly, I started to think of my own funeral and what my family and friends would say about me…

They would not say things like….

"She always had a kind word to say and never spoke bad about anyone."

"She never complained."

"She lived each day to the fullest."

They would most likely say things like….

"She always knew she would go in some undignified way but I bet she is pissed it was on the crapper."

"She was a beautiful person who had kind words when her meds were working."

"Always had some smartass comment to make."

"That girl loved to get her sleep and eat on."

"If it was purple it was acceptable."

"If you owe her money she is still expecting you to pay her back – give it to one of the kids."

"Regardless if she went up or down, I hope there is a Starbucks because you know how she gets when she doesn't have coffee."

Thankfully, my friends and family love me for who I am regardless. <3

To implant or not to implant...

So, apparently Cameron Diaz had breast implants.  My opinion is this - so friggin what!  If I had a size "negative A nugget" I would totally boost up to a B/C.  In fact if I had the money I would totally go under the knife.  I don't think I would touch with my face (don't want to mess with perfection) but I would definitely get my body worked on (I think God got a little sleepy when he was working from my neck down. 

Morning Commute

Nothing like the morning commute to make you feel like:

1. You experienced your first orgy - completely sober.
2. It is never to early to drink
3. Pulling a bitches hair (especially the one with the bad frost job and a big brown Marc Jacobs bag on the D).

Hold the Drama please!

"Drama -  a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces."
It seems no matter how old, educated or wealthy someone is drama is bound to make an appearance in life.  Whether it be with family, relationships, jobs or friendships.
It seems to stem from feelings of fear, hurt, insecurity or jealously caused by an action of someone or something.  It grows with words connected with: he said/she said; I have to tell you something; and/or I heard.
I find that whether you look for it or not it can find you.  The question is how does one avoid it when it arrives?
I ask myself:
1. How much of this is really about me?
2. Can I let this pass and go unaddressed (which usually depends     on the amount of pride I have and how much the people involved matter to me)?
3. Will it make a difference in someones life if they know what I know?
4. Would I want to know if it where me?
5. Is it a life and death issue?
Sometimes, I feel grown up enough to walk away and other times I can easily get sucked into the feed but throughout it I make a conscious effort to accept my part in the role I played.  Could I have handled this situation different and would it have made a difference?
Bottom line - when the credits go up acknowledge your role and hold yourself accountable for the choices you make and the actions you take.

Homework

A teachers way of getting back at parents for having to spend all day with their kids.