Brave and Courageous...

I look back on 2014 and can't believe all the change that has occurred in my life.  It seems like it was years ago that I left the home I knew for over 20 years, the neighborhood I resided in for 44 years, my job of 16 years and the immediate family that I was accustomed to having a mere arms length away to move cross country - but it has only been about 4 months.

I got married, picked up and relocated - something I could have never imagined myself doing.  I was never going to remarry or leave the city and people I loved - but I did.  This is what I have learned is part of being a military spouse.  I think about the families who have been doing this for years and am in utter awe of them.  I struggle with the adjustment of a city life where everything was at my finger tips to having to drive to do just about everything (especially when driving was not something I did and in fact feared - still do at times - although having a 90 minute commute to and from work has helped to subside that fear).

You don't know how brave or courageous you are until you have no choice but to be both.  

I look at my 16 year old in amazement as he started as a junior in a new high school, in a new state and didn't blink.  I would have been sick to my stomach - and in fact was terrified for him on his first day.

My husband is a pro at all this and takes it in stride.  He has calmed my nerves and his steadfast support has really helped with the entire transition.

Some people may not see any of this as a big deal but for me it was huge.  I am a creature of habit and breaking out of all that I was use to was terrifying.  It is interesting how other people react to the changes you as an individual are experiencing as well.  I found myself on more than one occasion sitting with myself and saying "you are going to be fine."  The what ifs wouldn't leave me alone.  What if this wasn't the right choice, the right move, the right path?  The little voice in my head kept saying why is it about right or wrong?  Why not just life challenges and experiences?  Thankfully, I knew enough about myself to know that I had to step out of my comfort zone and live life as it was meant to be lived.  To challenge myself and take a chance on the unknown. How will you know if you don't try?  So try I did.  I have good days and lonely days.  I miss what was comfortable but try to give myself credit for being courageous – I have always been the type to minimize my accomplishments but today I am going to say it.  I was brave and courageous.  I had to let go of people, places and things to take this step and I did and little by little one day, one step and one moment at a time I am living this life that has been gifted to me.