Brave and Courageous...

I look back on 2014 and can't believe all the change that has occurred in my life.  It seems like it was years ago that I left the home I knew for over 20 years, the neighborhood I resided in for 44 years, my job of 16 years and the immediate family that I was accustomed to having a mere arms length away to move cross country - but it has only been about 4 months.

I got married, picked up and relocated - something I could have never imagined myself doing.  I was never going to remarry or leave the city and people I loved - but I did.  This is what I have learned is part of being a military spouse.  I think about the families who have been doing this for years and am in utter awe of them.  I struggle with the adjustment of a city life where everything was at my finger tips to having to drive to do just about everything (especially when driving was not something I did and in fact feared - still do at times - although having a 90 minute commute to and from work has helped to subside that fear).

You don't know how brave or courageous you are until you have no choice but to be both.  

I look at my 16 year old in amazement as he started as a junior in a new high school, in a new state and didn't blink.  I would have been sick to my stomach - and in fact was terrified for him on his first day.

My husband is a pro at all this and takes it in stride.  He has calmed my nerves and his steadfast support has really helped with the entire transition.

Some people may not see any of this as a big deal but for me it was huge.  I am a creature of habit and breaking out of all that I was use to was terrifying.  It is interesting how other people react to the changes you as an individual are experiencing as well.  I found myself on more than one occasion sitting with myself and saying "you are going to be fine."  The what ifs wouldn't leave me alone.  What if this wasn't the right choice, the right move, the right path?  The little voice in my head kept saying why is it about right or wrong?  Why not just life challenges and experiences?  Thankfully, I knew enough about myself to know that I had to step out of my comfort zone and live life as it was meant to be lived.  To challenge myself and take a chance on the unknown. How will you know if you don't try?  So try I did.  I have good days and lonely days.  I miss what was comfortable but try to give myself credit for being courageous – I have always been the type to minimize my accomplishments but today I am going to say it.  I was brave and courageous.  I had to let go of people, places and things to take this step and I did and little by little one day, one step and one moment at a time I am living this life that has been gifted to me.



  

  

Overwhelmed...

This is what happens when you have too much to do. There is so much going on in your life that your emotions and thoughts are in overload.  There is just too much on your plate and not enough resources, time, finances, energy just not enough.

It is said (and quite often I might add) that God only gives you what you can handle.  This doesn't mean that you won't feel overwhelmed or brought down to your knees in tears - it means that he knows you can handle whatever is going on...YOU GOT THIS!  

Are there times when you want to say "No God - I don't got this!"  "I don't want this!"  "Give me something else!" Yes - there are those times but God help me - I know it could be worse, so very much worse.  So I will allow myself these moments of being overwhelmed.  I will trust in the God of my understanding that I can handle this and be extremely grateful that I have the abundance of blessing that I do around me.  I will force myself to be grateful - because I should and have every reason to be.

If you are feeling overwhelmed - you are not alone.  It is ok to give in to the feelings that being overwhelmed brings - just don't stay there. Ok? You will get through this!  I have faith in you - have faith in yourself. It is ok to ask for help also - you may not get it but ask anyway.  Step away if you need to. Just for a moment - it will allow you to rebuild and recharge.  

Deep breath - inhale - exhale - a few more times with your eyes closed.
Ok, now back to life.

Change...

There are a lot of changes going on in my life.  All good but stressful nonetheless.  I have lost sight of the good and have allowed the stress to dominate.  Lucky for me I took a class today given by Chrissy Scivicque of Eatyourcareer.com.  Pretty good stuff and although the class was about perception, opportunity and perspective in you career it applied 100% to my personal life as well.

Chrissy talked about stretching yourself out of your comfort zone and allowing growth to happen.  She talked about taking responsibility of your career (and your life). If only she knew that in a few months I will be embarking on one of the greatest adventures of my life.

Here are some of the things that I carried with me when I walked out the class:

1. It is about progress not perfection - this has always been one of my favorites - give yourself credit for what you have accomplished - don't minimize because it wasn't done to perfection [perfection is overrated].

2. Having a breakdown can be a window to a breakthrough - love this.  It means next time I lock myself in the bathroom crying I can not just focus on the emotional but also look to see what I can learn about me.

3. Begin with the End in Mind - S. Covey.  - See yourself where you want to be and figure out how to get there. Not getting there isn't an option.

4. Recognize your value - Choose to see the value in what you do and who you are.

Chrissy offers a lot of inspiration, wisdom and thought provoking words, really glad I had an opportunity to hear them.

Life isn't Rose Garden....

   I haven't blogged in minute but was inspired to do so today.

   There have been a lot of changes going on in my life and there are still more to come.  I am excited, happy, scared, worried and alive.

   My life isn't just a garden of roses.  It also has lilies, daisies, chrysanthemums (yeah I had to google that) as well as thorns and weeds.  All and all it is my garden with a variety good and difficult areas.

   I never quite understood the type of person who enjoys when someone fails or waits for the moment when someone is down to say "I saw that coming" or "I told you so."  Truthfully, I am probably guilty of saying that at times.  How fucked up of me - time for some self reflection on why.

   I am comfortable and content with where I am right now.  I am still on my learning path and I don't expect it to always be smooth but at least I know I accept where I am, what happens and the work I am doing to better myself as a person, mom, daughter, friend, sister and woman.  It is about progress not perfection and I know I have made mistakes and will continue to do so. I can go to sleep accepting accountability for them.

  Don't you hate when you are so busy looking around at what is going on around you that you don't even know you stepped in shit?  Maybe you should go clean off your shoes, then again, maybe you are comfortable standing in shit.