I have several pet peeves and in fact have been guilty of committing some of these offenses. The difference is that when I do then they don't bother me.
1. The stopper - the person who just stops where ever they are. In a doorway, flight of stairs, middle of a busy sidewalk, for whatever reason they stop.
2. The wanderer - you have got all the time in the world so you are humming while you SLOWLY amble to your destination.
If you happen to do either of these in front of someone - who let's say may work for a company where lateness is considered a felony; or in the middle of a state of emergency you will know what it feels like to have someone who weighs between 150 lbs - 176 ish (give or take) treat you like a treadmill with sweets hanging in the front of it. Your ass is going to get trampled on by what feels like a hurd of Mexicans running from Immigration.
3. MTA Procrastinator - This is the person who has no friggin idea where the hell they are going and stop in the middle of the train doors while you stand behind and watch someone else take the seat you were eyeing. Get the fuck out the way puneta.
4. The Leaner – MTA thing again. The train is fairly crowded and you are holding on to the pole. This shit wants to lean their nasty ass wet wool coat on your hand and while I am on the topic if you don't have your metrocard ready why the fuck you standing in front of the turnstile? Again, get the fuck out the way.
5. Conversationalist - the on e who stops in the middle of the sidewalk to talk shit on their cell using all kinds of hand gestures like the person on the other end of the line can see them. Double fuck if they do it on the stairway going into the train station.
6. Elevator stopper - Get the fuck off or on but don't keep the door from closing to discuss some bullshit with the ass who works one floor above AND while we are on the topic when the doors open move the fuck out the way so people can get off. (Notice the common denominator in #s 1-5)
7. The mountain out of a molehill - you picked the phone up after 2 rings instead of 3 so this person has an aneurism and gets all flustered. Calm the fuck down and get away from me with that bullshit.
8. Pretender – the one who acts like they don't know where the towels are (even though they been living in the same house for like 15 years) or that they don't know how to put paper in the printer at work – you make over $500 an hour dumbass.
9. Uncustomer Service – If you work in customer service don't catch a damn attitude with me because you have to do your job – I usually wait until I get what I need before I get a little "Magda" on them.
10. The Teacher – The one who is always telling you some negative shit about your kids even though she/he doesn't have any of their own. "I think your child has issues, he doesn't listen." "Um his ass don't listen to me either WTF. I am only feeding him until he is old enough to be sent out into the wild."
lol that was hysterial. Especially the stoppers and the people who don't move the Eff out of the way when you get out of the elevator. They laugh and apologize but don't fuckin move. MOVEEEEEEEEEEE. and yes don't block the turnstile if you don't have your metrocard ready. I always get a whole huge family standing there in a line like they are playing red rover, and they are all just standing there looking at eachother like you got the metrocard? UGH!!
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