A work in progress..

There was a time in my life that I hated being alone.  I wouldn't go retail shopping without someone coming with me.  Sitting in a restaurant alone was not happening.  I would put the tv on as soon as I walked in my door from work because I couldn't stand the silence.

Years later - I am so glad I don't loathe myself anymore and am almost 100% comfortable in my own skin.  I say almost because I am still a work in progress - we all are.  That is what it was.  I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts or feelings.

I was much more comfortable be controlled by words like:
You shouldn't be feeling this way.
You are too sensitive.
You don't need that - you just have to....

Every action I took was based on the voices of those closest to me.  The voice in my own head was weak and pathetic.

I have grown to be someone who not only doesn't care if she is alone but actually values her alone time.  I rarely turn on the  tv.  I can sit in a restaurant with a book or journal and observe what is around me. I love shopping alone - while it is good to have someone there to challenge and push you a little further out of your comfort zone - it has taught me to trust my own opinion.

I am now in the process of making my voice stronger. I have always been so easily swayed - a flag blowing in the wind - going wherever the stronger force is pushing.  It is actually really difficult to draw a line in the sand and not keep letting the tide push you back (I am kind of impressed with my metaphors) but it is essential.  Trust yourself, your feelings, your thoughts (unless you are psychotic) and your instincts.  Listen to the voices of those around you and take all that is good, loving and positive - it will give your own voice courage and strength.